Using EFT with “The Secret”
 The final part of a 7 part series in which EFT Master Pat Carrington delves into the complexities of the Law of Attraction as depicted by the DVD and book "The Secret".
How to Handle Multiple Aspects of a Major Goal
I am going to write today about a way you can realize an unusually complex and major goal using EFT. I emphasize here the word "complex". Many truly desirable goals contain a number of different aspects which makes them into conglomerates, collections of things that you want, all grouped under one heading. You cannot possibly crowd all these attributes into one EFT statement.
There is, however, a distinct advantage in being able to list all the desired aspects of any important goal. In one of the articles in this series ("Future Thanks”) I described how a former client of mine was able to find exactly the car he wanted through the use of incredible specificity in the way he described that car in his EFT statement. It is of course not difficult to describe a car in a single EFT statement as he did, but it is certainly not an easy matter for example to describe the mate of your dreams in a single statement or the career of your choice in a short number of words. Nevertheless, specificity can pay off dramatically when you want to manifest your goals.
There is a way to handle this problem that is often extremely effective. To illustrate it let me tell you about a former client of mine whom I shall call "Kelly", who used this tactic with remarkable success.
With the help of EFT, Kelly had just emerged from an extremely destructive, verbally abusive relationship of several years duration. When she first consulted me she could see no way out of the trap it posed and felt totally hopeless about it. After almost a year of therapy, however, she had finally been able to extricate herself gracefully from this relationship in a satisfactory manner.
Kelly was finally dating again, although she was experiencing little satisfaction or success doing this. Eventually, however, she realized that she wanted to have a very different type of relationship than she had ever known, and that in fact that she now felt ready to be married (something she had been very afraid of before). None of the men that she had been dating even remotely approached what she felt she would need or want in a husband, however; they were not people with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life.
She then asked me if it was possible for her to use EFT to help her find the man she really wanted. I told her that it might help, but that she needed to be extremely clear first as to exactly what kind of man she was really looking for. In order to help her do this, I handed her a large pad of paper and asked her to write down, on separate lines one under the other, every attribute of her "ideal man" that she could possibly think of –– the man she would like to have for a husband.
Kelly did this with her usual diligence, and came up with about 23 characteristics of such a man. They came to her mind easily and quickly. She had listed everything from what he looked like, to what kind of foods and restaurants he preferred, to how he liked to spend his free time, to the way he handled disagreements, how he felt about independent time away from each other, etc..
When she had finished the list, I asked her to go home, take the list with her, add more attributes to it any time during the week if she felt like doing this, and bring the list back to her next appointment with me.
Kelly did as I had suggested, and when she came back, 42 attributes were now on her list of “Ideal Man”. New characteristics which she wanted had occurred to her during the week, and every time that one did she had jotted it down . She found that it was enjoyable for her to write down anything that she felt that she wanted, and this was a new experience for her.
Now that she had clearly delineated her goal, I asked Kelly to give this list a title, such as she would give to her Mental Movie when doing EFT in the manner that Gary Craig suggests. She chose the title “My Ideal Man” for the list. It could have been “The husband I will have”, or another similar title, the only requirement was that this would serve as a quick, accurate way to sum up the entire list in her own mind.
I then asked her to create an EFT Choices Statement using this title. She obviously could not list the whole 42 desirable characteristics shown there in her EFT statement so she was to hold the list in front of her or place it on her lap as she tapped, and just glance at it briefly before starting EFT, to refresh it in her mind, and use just its title in the statement..
She tapped on the following phrase:
"Even though he's not apparent in my life as yet, and even though I'm dissatisfied with my dating at present, I choose to find ”My Ideal Man” (this was the title of her list) and have him feel the same way about me as I do about him."
She did several rounds of EFT using this statement and commented that although this felt like a wonderful goal but she couldn’t imagine that it would really work. However she said that she would keep[ on tapping at home.
I knew that Kelly was the type of person who would follow through on a plan like this, and she was willing to make a commitment to doing this daily.
For the next several weeks she tapped systematically on this statement, holding the list in front of her as she did so. I had also instructed her to read the list over again several times a week to keep its contents fresh in her mind, and reminded her that if she wanted to add any more attributes to it that she could. In fact, Kelly did add three of four new ones to the list during that time.
What is fascinating about this story is that Kelly began feeling better and better about herself as she tapped on her goal. She soon tapered off her unsatisfactory dating which left her free to pursue some interesting hobbies, and allowed her to rest from the search. In fact, she stopped coming to see me for a while because she was feeling so much better about her life and herself just by doing this daily tapping on her ultimate goal for a husband.
Several months later, I got a telephone call from Kelly asking for a "brush up" session. When she came in to see me she told me, with excitement in her voice, that she had started dating a man from another section of the organization where she worked. Although she had met him casually once or twice before, she had paid little attention to him at that time. She said she found him quite “different” to go out with, and as she began to know him better, it had suddenly dawned on her that he possessed many of the characteristics that she had written down on her list of the Ideal Man. This impressed her, and she had pulled out the list and systematically began to check off every characteristic on it which he possessed. When she did this she was stunned to discover that out of the now 48 attributes on her list, he seemed to have at least 35 of these characteristics! There were still some of them which she was unsure of because she really didn't know him well enough to be able to say whether he met these criteria. These involved issues of compatibility in their interests which she had had no way to test so far, such as the types of vacation they might like to take together and a few of his characteristics were dissimilar to what she had put down – for example, his religion was different from that which her family of origin would have desired.
She had come back at this time to work out some obstacles she found herself encountering in the way of allowing herself to trust this new relationship. She accomplished this short term goal in several sessions and then I didn't hear from he again for the next six months.
Finally she called me once again to ask for a single appointment. When she arrived at my office she told me that her relationship with Ed was so different from any that she had ever had before that she could “scarcely believe it”. Then she told me that there were only three characteristics, and these weren’t major ones either, that he didn’t have. She worked a bit more on allowing herself to have such a good relationship and then left again, phoning me some months later to tell me that they were now engaged..
The upshot of this story is that within a year Kelly had married this man. That was six years ago, and today they are an unusually happily married couple, strikingly so in fact if one compares them to many other marriages.
Please realize, however, an important fact. Kelly was ready for this relationship when she began tapping on her Ideal Man. She had done much inner work on herself to bring her to this point, and she was no longer ambivalent about what she wanted. This was undoubtedly the reason that she was able to realize her goal.
When, about a year and half after she got married, she consulted me for help in another area of her life, that of her career, the outcome was not so favorable. This was an area where she had much uncertainty about whether she could handle the type of job that she thought she wanted, and although she wrote down a long list of attributes that she desired for her Ideal Job, and tapped on them daily as she had on the Ideal Man list, this time the effort was not successful.
This fact actually did not actually surprise Kelly. With many doubts about whether she could measure up to such a job, it was clear that she needed more work to help her deal with her conflicts about finding such a job, and her fear of failing at it if she did. It was not until much time had passed that Kelly’s work life substantially improved and it still does not match her ideal, although it is approaching it in certain important respects (she is no longer in therapy except sporadically).
The lessons in this story are twofold. On the one hand, it tells us that very long lists of attributes of a desired outcome, as complex as is necessary in fact, can easily be handled by EFT and when they are can have powerful results. On the other hand, it is apparent that you must be entirely congruent (i.e. not in conflict) about the goal that you think you desire.
If your goal is crystal clear and you are unconflicted about it and emotionally ready to receive it, then you can feel confident making a long list of specific attributes that you want and holding this list in front of you when you tap. Your subconscious will this way remember all of the attributes as you tap. You have only to review this list occasionally to keep it fresh in your mind. You may well want to try this for some of the major issues in your life.
Pat Carrington
Part 1: The Starting Point
Part 2: Appreciating Yourself with Loving Kindness
Part 3: Tapping In Gratitude for Positive Intentions
Part 4: Handling Your Mistakes with Compassion
Part 5: Using the "Future Thanks" Method to Create What You Want
Part 6: Accessing Your Goals With the "Why" Question
Part 7: How to Handle Multiple Aspects of a Major Goal
Copyright © 2007 Pat Carrington.
You can learn the basics of EFT by downloading the free EFT Manual from the EFT website. If you wish to save time and dive right in then explore the affordable EFT DVD Library.
|
articles 
